Musings by Vic
So much has happened since February 2, and I don’t know how to describe everything that has happened. Surreal? Shock? Disbelief? Horror? How can one really describe it? If anyone had told me on New Year’s Day that my oldest child, my first-born, would be battling cancer before the year was up, I would have thought they were crazy. It just doesn’t seem possible to sit at the hospital everyday watching Ryan suffer through chemo and doctors/nurses coming in to do vitals and blood work and give medicines. I know it’s getting old; I can only image what he thinks about all this. Depending on how he is feeling, you know that he doesn’t want any more blood drawn or medicines or vital checking. But there are those rare times where he is smiling and kidding around with everyone. It’s something I look forward to.
As Troy mentioned, in Sunday School we are covering the book “Don’t Waste Your Life” by John Piper. I will admit that I’m behind and trying to catch up in it. But the title alone makes me wonder how much of my life have I wasted. Have I truly spent enough time with my kids during these past years? Have I lived the way God wants me to? Have I shown what God and His love has done in my life so others may know His glory and grace? Yes, they are tough questions, and no, I don’t know the answers. But now I’m thinking and praying about them, and it’s my hope that I become a better mother not only to Ryan but to Bryce and Deanna.
I guess today is just an emotional dump day for me. About 30 minutes after I got to the hospital this morning, Ryan got sick. I can’t stand to see any of my children sick, but I know that it is a part of Ryan’s life right now, but it doesn’t make it any easier to see. And seeing the Cub Scout Pack last night was great, but it reminded me of what Ryan is missing because of this. Don’t get me wrong, I was so glad to see everyone and to deliver Ryan’s message, but Scouts is something he really enjoyed, and for now, he has had to give it up. (On a side note: I have his Bear book here at the hospital and he only needs a couple of requirements to complete his rank. We’ll work on it some.) Trust me when I say he is really missing being there with his buddies. :D
I know I have never been one to get thank you notes out, and quite frankly I wouldn’t know who to send them to. So many have stepped up and helped us out during this trial, so I’m sending a heart-felt thank you out to everyone. It eases the mind and the heart knowing that there are so many friends out there that have stepped up and helped. I don’t know who all has helped, but I truly appreciate everything that has been done.
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Comments
We serve a God that knows and sympathysizes with our ups and downs. None of us is ever doing as much as we could do with our lives, but thankfully our brother, Jesus did, and I know I have to preach that to myself everyday. God knows your heart and He will not stop until He completes the good work He has started in you. I am so sorry that you have to watch Ryan suffer both physically and emotionally. I am praying for comfort for you. And about those thank you notes – I agree with Katie. We can certainly see from your blog how what we have done has been an encouragement to you all. That is plenty enough thanks!
Ryan and his loving family have been in my prayers since February and will remain until God’s hand sees best to calm your storm. God sends out his grace in abundance. Some days his grace allows us to enjoy the day and some days his grace allows us to endure it. There are no good days or bad days…just days of grace. May his love and grace blanket you and yours. In Christ love.
If I received a thank you note from you, I would wonder how the heck you found any time to do it! I hereby suggest that you throw the thought of “thank-yous” out the window. We love you. We know you’re thankful.
I’m sad that Ryan is missing out on so much. Sad that you’re sad. But so very thankful and hopeful that he’s with us, fighting, suffering, and persevering. May God convict us all of the wasted seconds, minutes, hours, opportunities.
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